When You Are Worried About the Child of a Friend or Family Member

Who can a relative, concerned neighbor, or friend go to with worries or concerns about a child who is not developing as expected?

Medical and educational professionals are equipped with the tools to determine if these concerns are real. They also have access to the systems available to treat the worrisome symptoms. But what if a there is a possible concern, and one is simply not sure and not quite ready to broach the topic with a pediatrician or educator.

Like everything else… turn to the web. The CAR Autism Roadmap™ has much useful information about early warning signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and related conditions. Another very useful “on-line” site to go to for anyone concerned about a particular child’s development, or about child development in general, is the First Signs® website. It has video examples that may help you to understand what to look for.

So, you have read the website, watched the examples, and you are fairly certain there is something that needs to be addressed. What to do next? How do you do it?

As a friend or family member you may be in an awkward spot in deciding whether or not to mention your concerns. Will doing so interfere with your friendship? Will your friend hate you forever? Or be grateful for your help in recognizing a problem?

This is what we do know…. Research has made it clear: the earlier a child begins intervention, the better the outcome. If you have decided to bring the idea up with your friend or family member, the following are some suggestions to guide your discussion.

Helpful hints:

• As a good friend or family member, listen closely and carefully to what the parent of the child you have worries about says.
• Choose a time and place to speak comfortably, so there will be no interruption.
• Share your observations, and offer examples of what you have seen and why you are concerned.
• Carefully and gently discuss the research you have done and the websites you have visited, which have led to this very sensitive conversation.
• Be sure to give the receiver plenty of time to think about what you have said and perhaps challenge or even agree with your suggestions.

Be prepared for whatever reaction you receive. The parent of the child for whom you have concerns may:

• Become angry
• Feel relief that someone shares their concerns
• Be embarrassed
• Be shocked and have no idea what you are talking about
• Need some time to think about what you have said before acting on anything.

Have information on hand for the family so they are able to follow through to request an evaluation for special education services and/or a developmental evaluation.

Be sure to be a good and patient listener, and accept whatever comes back at you. Know that you have been very thoughtful about deciding whether or not to broach the topic and have listened to your inner voice and felt the need to not ignore what you were so worried about. You weighed the responses that you might receive and chose to live with whatever the consequences of the “talk” might bring. This is being a caring, concerned friend or family member.

Additional Resources:

• First Signs®
• CDC Website, Learn The Signs, Act Early